


Honored to be Yours

by llrstyb



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, but also a lot of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 03:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llrstyb/pseuds/llrstyb
Summary: Running away from Bucky on their wedding day had been Steve's greatest regret in life. But sometimes fate just doesn't give up, giving Steve a second chance to get it right.





	Honored to be Yours

Lounging on Steve’s couch, Natasha and Steve watched some “historically and culturally significant” movie from his list. They were only idly paying attention to the screen, and instead chatting with each other, when the conversation turned towards his relationship with Bucky.

 

“There was once a chance I didn’t take,” he said after a moment's hesitation, looking out the window at the setting sun. It was still difficult to talk about it sometimes. “It must’ve been over…oh, let’s see, at least eighty years ago now.”

 

“If only I got to look half as good as you do for your age. Stupid serums.”

 

“Trust me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” Steve said. 

 

There was a note of sadness in his voice that Natasha detected but didn’t mention. Instead, she asked, “What was the chance you didn’t take?”

“Well, it all started when he asked me to marry him. In our shabby Brooklyn apartment, of all places. The city nightlife noise in the background.”

Natasha’s eyes widen in surprise. “I had no idea you two were engaged?”

“Oh, it was so sappy and cliche. He got down on one knee and everything. Even had a ring he’d apparently been saving up for. My face was as red as a tomato. I said yes immediately, of course.”

“I’m sure,” Natasha said, smiling.

“I threw my hands around him in a tight hug and didn’t let go for hours.” Steve, lost in his memories, had a fond smile on his face.

“Then,” Steve continued, “as it was time to actually go through with it, I just…panicked. I ran away, like a coward.”

 

“Coward is the last thing I would ever think to call you.”

 

Steve shook his head and looked down, twisting his mouth into a grimace. “I left him at the altar, so to speak. Of course the government wouldn’t have recognized our marriage anyway since we were two men, but still, we had already set up a ceremony. It was going to be a garden wedding. Our neighbor, one of the only people who knew about our relationship, had found it for us. It was his sisters private garden, so no one would have bothered us. He was going to “officiate” it, too. We saved up enough money for those fancy suits and shoes. Even got some cufflinks. Flowers. Food. Everything was perfect. Even the weather was on our side. A beautiful sunshine that radiated warmth. And then I saw the venue and it just…it looked like a fairytale. To this day, it’s still as clear as a photograph. Every detail of the garden, every flower, even the smell in the air…the mixture of all the different scents. Oh, it was so intoxicating.” Steve looked at the window again, eyes glassy and far away. 

She asked softly, “What made you want to run away?”

“I’ve been asking myself that question for years now.” He took a weary sigh. “The answer is that I don’t know. Stupid, right? I ran away from the love of my life and I don’t even know why. Just too afraid I guess. The world at the time wasn’t kind to men loving other men, and I didn’t have the confidence in myself to live my entire life with a husband who I couldn’t even show of to the world. It was stupid of course; the minute I left I felt such a gaping sense of regret that I doubled over and almost vomited. The only thing that stopped me is that I hadn’t eaten that day yet - too jittery from nerves to have had the time.”

“Oh, stop, you’re always so overdramatic,” another voice, Bucky, said entering the living room, and Steve and Natasha turned to look at him. They had been so engrossed in their conversation that they hadn’t even noticed the front door opening. Natasha smiled and got up, squeezing Steve’s hand before she let go, and said: “I’ll give you two some room.”

Bucky gives her a friendly nod on her way to the front door.

 

“I cannot believe you called me overdramatic!” Steve said in a playful huff. 

“Well, I feel like I have the right to do that seeing as how you, the love of my life, left me on the most important day of our lives and ran away. If that’s not overdramatic than what is?” Bucky teased, moving to sit next to Steve on the couch and leaned his head against his shoulder. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and pressed a kiss to his temple.

Steve chuckled. “Alright, alright I’ll admit it, perhaps I do have a dramatic streak.”

 

“If only the people knew. I can see the headlines now: Captain American - The Nation’s Drama Queen!” Bucky teased, then contemplated for a moment. “Actually, you know what? I’m pretty sure they already do.”

 

Steve looked at him in confusion. 

 

“Only a drama queen would wear that Captain America uniform,” Bucky clarified, smirking. 

 

Steve pretended to look indignant for a moment. “And here I thought liked the uniform. Guess we won’t be needing it in the bedroom anymore, huh?”

 

Bucky’s eyes widened in fear, “Never mind, I take it all back!” 

 

Chuckling, Steve wrapped his arms tighter around Bucky. For a while, they just watched the movie that had been left playing in comfortable silence. 

 

“I”m sorry,” Steve whispered after a while - his thoughts still on the conversation with Natasha. It had been the first time he had ever confided in someone in the modern times about what he had done, about how deeply he had wounded Bucky. 

 

Sighing, Bucky turned to look at Steve, gazing intently into his eyes. When he had walked into their shared apartment and overheard Steve talking to Natasha, his heart hurt. Not for himself -he had gotten over it and forgiven Steve a long time ago - but he hurt for the man he loved, for the guilt he was still carrying. 

 

“There’s nothing to forgive anymore,” Bucky said, cradling Steve’s cheek in his hand. “We were so young back then. Barely out of our teenage years. I don’t regret asking you to marry me, but I do regret the way I went about it. I sprung it on you with no warning.” Bucky paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts before continuing. “And as much as we don’t want to admit it, we were dealing with so much internalized homophobia.”

 

Steve shook his head adamantly. “But I was the one who ran away, not you. Yes, we were both young and stupid and living in a messed up homophobic world, but you had the guts to propose to me. You had the guts to marry me, to swear yourself to me as your husband for the rest of your life. And I just - I just ran away like a coward.”

 

Bucky didn’t know what to say, so he silently wiped the tears that had started to fall down Steve’s cheeks. With a shaky breath, Steve continued. “And then you got drafted in the war and then I finally did, too. I hoped so much that I would be able to see you again, to beg for forgiveness. I had hoped that I hadn’t broken your heart quite as much as I feared I had. And then when I finally did see you again it was on that damned train…and I - I-” 

 

“Shh,” Bucky murmured, holding him tightly as Steve broke down in his arms at the memories of Bucky falling to his presumed death on that forsaken train. Bucky’s own eyes were red-rimmed to see him in so much pain. He pleaded with Steve, “please tell me how to help you. How do I make you realize that I’m okay now? How do I make you stop hurting yourself?”

 

Hearing the desperation in Bucky’s voice, Steve finally looked up at him, wiping the tears from his own eyes. Tentatively, he reached out with his thumb to brush away at Bucky’s cheek. It was only then Bucky realized he himself had started crying. 

 

“Even now, I keep hurting you,” Steve whispered, looking at his thumb that was wet with Bucky’s tears. 

 

Bucky shook his head. “You could never hurt me. Not really. As long as I have your love, I will count myself the luckiest man in the world.”

 

Steve gave a breathy chuckle, the kind that could only happen after one had cried their heart out. It was a mixture of relief, a residue of sadness, and a little bit of hope. “That was so cheesy, I almost can’t believe you said it with a straight face.”

 

‘Oh, you think that was bad? You haven’t even heard the worst of it. For example, I could wax poems about your eyes for hours. Oh how deeply blue they are, pulling me in like an ocean-”

 

Steve covered his ears with arms. “Please, no more! I can’t bear such cheesiness.”

 

“Are you feeling better now?” Bucky asked, gathering Steve’s hand in his own and rubbing soothing circles with his fingers. 

 

Steve nodded, looking slightly sheepish. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry.” 

 

“Tell you what,” Bucky said, disentangling himself from Steve, groggily moving to reach for the remote and turn off the TV. “Why don’t we go to bed now, it’s getting late anyway. And then tomorrow,” he moved to gently kiss his forehead and pull both of them up from the couch, “we’ll wake up refreshed and happy and laugh at how silly this was.”

 

Steve nodded, smiling up at Bucky.

 

 

***** 

 

Pacing back and forth and taking deep breaths, Steve fiddled with the small black box. Fixing his tie and running his hands over the tailored suit, he looked at the clock. Twenty till six. He still had time before Bucky came home. 

 

Walking over to the dining room table, he lit the candles and dimmed the lights. Then he rummaged through their vinyl collection until he found the perfect one to put on the record player.

 

Fifteen till six. Still, fifteen minutes to go. He took another deep breath. 

 

Looking around for something to occupy his mind and not finding anything, he started fiddling with the box again. Opening it to check on the rings, as if in the span of the couple minutes that he last saw them they could have changed or disappeared, he looked at the beautiful pair of thick golden bands. As soon as he had seen them at the store, Steve knew immediately that those were the ones he wanted to wear for the rest of his life.

 

Just as he snapped the box shut, the front door opened. Bucky was home early. Not expecting him to be home yet, Steve spun around in alarm, the box flying out of his hands and skidding under a shelf. 

 

“Hey I’m home,” Bucky said as he closed the front door and walked in. Taking off his jacket, he went up to Steve and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, only to then halt and look around to take in the atmosphere that Steve had worked so hard to create. “What’s all this?” He asked, grinning. 

 

“Huh?” Steve asked, eyes ever so slightly flicking to look at the place where the ring had fallen. His heart was still beating fast and silently he berated himself for already messing up - not even a second after Bucky came home.

 

Noticing Steve’s gaze, Bucky turned to follow his eyes, but before he could catch a glimpse of what had Steve looking so worried and completely ruin the surprise, Steve grabbed his hand. He then interlocked their fingers together and smiled at Bucky. “Just wanted to surprise you.”

 

Bucky let himself be dragged to the candlelit dinner table. Steve pulled out the chair for him, at which Bucky snorted. Blushing, Steve said, “Hush. I want this to be romantic.”

 

Shaking his head in amusement, Bucky sat down as Steve poured wine for the two of them. 

 

Settling into his seat across the table, shadows from the candlelight danced across Steve’s face as he gazed at Bucky. A part of him was still frantically trying to figure out how to grab the ring box without the other man noticing, but that was put on the back-burner, for he was happy to just sit back and bask at the moment. 

 

The evening passed without any more clumsy incidents on Steve’s part and before he knew it, dinner was already long finished; It always stumped Steve how being with Bucky caused time to become nonexistent. He would always lose himself in that voice, in that laugh, and forget the rest of the world existed.

 

Between the two of them, they had already finished a whole bottle of wine, so Steve used that as an excuse to get away from the table and try to fetch the rings. “I’ll be back in a moment. Let me go grab another bottle.”

 

After a quick kiss to Bucky’s temple, Steve hurried to the kitchen. Pretending to make himself busy, Steve looked over to see if Bucky’s back was to him before quickly getting on the floor and crawling over to the shelf to pick up the box. It was a momentary struggle to actually reach the box, which had fallen all the way under the furniture, hidden from view. He prayed that Bucky wouldn’t turn around to see Steve looking so ridiculous. 

 

Breathing a sigh of relief once his fingers were finally able to grasp the object, he got back up and dusted himself off. 

 

Standing there with the box in his hands and Bucky’s silhouette in front of his, it finally hit Steve that this was the moment. Instead of feeling nervous as he had been before Bucky had come home, now, as he made his way back over to the table, he felt exhilarated and overjoyed. 

 

“Where’s the wine?” Bucky asked as Steve approached.

 

Instead of answering, and after taking a deep breath, Steve got down on one knee; Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise.

 

Presenting the opened box to Bucky, he said, “You once asked me to marry you. Immediately I said yes, only to later to make the biggest mistake of my life and run away. I’ve regretted that moment ever since.” He took a deep breath to steady his voice. “As far back as I can remember, I’ve always known that you are the love of my life. And fate has proven me true over and over again. I love you with all my heart and promise to cherish you for as long as you will have me. James Buchannan Bucky Barnes, will you marry me?”

 

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. Instead, he nodded and got down on his knees as well and, with slightly shaking hands, reached out for the rings. “Yes. A million times yes.” Taking one of the rings, he took Steve’s hand and placed it on Steve’s finger.“I’ve been dreaming of this moment for so long,” he whispered and placed a gentle kiss on the golden band.

 

Following his lead, Steve took the other ring from the box and slipped it on Bucky’s finger. “I’m sorry that it took me so long.”

 

“Shh, none of that now. I would have waited an eternity for you.”

 

Borrowing his face in Bucky’s neck and placing a light kiss there, Steve let himself be pulled up from the floor.

 

“How terrible would it be of me to joke about leaving you at the altar this time?” Bucky said, smiling.

 

“Bucky!” Steve shouted. 

 

“Okay, okay. Too soon, then I see,” Bucky laughed while holding his hands up in mock surrender.

 

“On a serious note, though,” Bucky continued as he gently took Steve’s hand, the engagement band shining proudly, and lined it up against his. “I would be honored to spend the rest of my life as your husband.”

 

“And I would be honored to be yours.”

 

Clasping their pressed hands together, Bucky pulled Steve in for a kiss.


End file.
